Saying Goodbye

My heart is heavy today. As much as I'd like to blame the gloomy weather, I don't think that's what's making me feel this way...

I attended my own farewell dinner last night with some of my close girl friends. I almost didn't go 'cause I got cold feet and I didn't want it to happen - yet. For a moment, I thought that maybe if I didn't go, it wouldn't happen - yet. I was so sad all afternoon yesterday and I had a great time last night but now I'm sad that it's an event of the past and not of the future.

People have been saying their goodbyes to us for a few weeks now and have been asking me how I feel. So far, my answer has been a combination or all of: "excited, stressed, busy, looking forward to finally going and settling down, hasn't quite hit me yet that we're leaving". I think last night's goodbye was the one that finally made our departure real for me.

Last night's dinner was one I'll definitely treasure in my heart for a long time. I had so much fun with wonderful awesome godly women. :) We discussed everything from germs to shopping to the adventures of raising kids, caught up on each other's lives and enjoyed delicious food at Gochi. I'd also prepared 3 questions for us to think about: 1. If God called you to be a missionary, what country would you want Him to send you to? 2. What would be your greatest fear in being a missionary? 3. What do you think would be the coolest thing about being a missionary?

The only one I had to answer was #2. :) One of the things I mentioned was bullying - ijime - as it's more common in Japan and it's not something that's considered a big deal at school that requires punishment like in the US. As our kids will be different (NOT Japanese, not have a Japanese first or last name, not speak Japanese well initially, speak English and Korean at home, eat American and Korean food at home as well, go to church on Sundays, etc), this is one of things I worry about for our kids. Peter and I might become temporarily upset or hurt if someone shows discrimination towards us, but for our kids, I think my heart will break if I see them being hurt in this way. I pray against this every day and pray for wisdom in knowing how to deal with any culturally awkward situations that may arise, that the teachers and children at the preschool that Juhee will be attending soon after our arrival have genuinely curious minds + kind hearts and not look down on her for being different.

A few of the other girls mentioned as their answer for #2 that their greatest fear would be the loss of community - friends and family back home. For me, it's never been a big issue because I'd become conditioned to it as we moved so often growing up. HOWEVER, this time it's different because I've never had such close godly girl friends before that I shared so much, so honestly with. I think I'll be missing not just the hanging out time, but also the times when we met to play together and pray together, keeping each other accountable, to talk and laugh together (in English!!!), and spur each other on in leading Christ-like lives. It won't be quite the same, but thank God for email and Skype! ;)

Right before we left, my arms were filled with presents - things to keep Juhee occupied during the time she is without her toys and things for her to do on the 16 hour trip from San Jose to Hiroshima too. There was also a very impressive, amazingly cute and well done scrapbook that the girls had made for me. The time, love, and effort that had gone into it was so evident. They'd all made at least one page each with a personal note on their page too. I don't have the heart / strength to read it right now as I'm close to tears already but I will soon - maybe after we arrive in Hiroshima! I know I'm going to cry reading it so I'll have to make sure Juhee's not around too so she's not constantly asking me, "What's wrong umma? What's wrong?" Our sweet, caring little Juhee. :)

Have a few more goodbye events to attend before we go in about 10 days...

Saying goodbye is hard.